Worthless

Once in my life this was a very special day But now as this day came, I find myself frowning in dismay Funny how life can turn 360 degrees in a bit And all of a sudden change your past into something bittersweet Fortunately I have Someone whom I can turn to To refrain myself from wondering what I have gotten into It still hurts but I know I am still blessed He wants nothing else for me, only the best

How to be ok when you're not ok? Can somebody teach me how?

It's been months. And yes, I still haven't moved on. Am still hurting, and I am far from being healed. Other people see me sporting a smile but behind that, I am still broken. What hurts the most is that I lost my best friend. Only a rare few know bits and pieces about my personal life, and none of them have the slightest idea of the things I share with you - my deepest, darkest secrets which I can only divulge to you. When you left you did not really allow me to speak to you even just as a friend, so now I have no choice but to keep everything to myself. My once closest ally is now merely a stranger - and I sincerely wish that the day I am able to accept this comes soon. Because for how long I can contain everything to myself, I don't really know.

“I've never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart. ” ―  Yann Martel,  Life of Pi Everyday is an internal struggle. And IT IS HARD.  On one hand I want to be as positive as I can but the other part of me keeps dragging me down. It's been months. To some it may seem stupid that I still have not moved on until now. Been claiming that am one hell of a strong woman but here I am, still crying myself to sleep almost every night, thinking what went wrong and what I did to deserve all this pain. A happy outlook especially at times like this is extremely important. We need all the positivity we can get as it helps us to be healthy. As hard as I try,

It's been a while. For some reason I thought of my blog while at work today so I visited this. Made me smile. Reading my past posts made me realize how I seem to still be that same person - simple. So simple to the point that sometimes I find myself boring. Maybe that's why... Oh well. Going through this blog got me thinking whether I should start posting again. Especially now that I have so many internal struggles, and a lot of things are happening (and not happening). Just an outlet where I can let go of what I really feel. Do not get me wrong. I know am still lucky that despite everything, I find the courage to search for that inner strength to go on no matter what. Of course, all these through HIM who gives me hope when am this down.  This too, shall pass. UPDATE: And oh, just noticed that my last post before this was on the same day 12 years ago. Hopefully my new posts be more mature compared to those rants by that silly and naive little girl that was me.